No one could have foreseen my blogging this using the "no one could have foreseen" formulation:

The Associated Press contacted 21 banks that received at least $1 billion in government money and asked four questions: How much has been spent? What was it spent on? How much is being held in savings, and what's the plan for the rest?

None of the banks provided specific answers.

Of course not! Because there are no requirements that they do so!

Loved what answers they did get, though.

"We're not providing dollar-in, dollar-out tracking," said Barry Koling, a spokesman for Atlanta, Ga.-based SunTrust Banks Inc.

"We manage our capital in its aggregate," said Regions Financial Corp. spokesman Tim Deighton

Not bad as fudging goes.

"We're choosing not to disclose that," said Kevin Heine, spokesman for Bank of New York Mellon, which received about $3 billion.

Morgan Stanley spokeswoman Carissa Ramirez, offered to discuss the matter with reporters on condition of anonymity. When AP refused, Ramirez sent an e-mail saying: "We are going to decline to comment on your story."

Oof!

"We're not sharing any other details. We're just not at this time," said Wendy Walker, a spokeswoman for Dallas-based Comerica Inc.

Yuck!

Heine, the New York Mellon Corp. spokesman who said he wouldn't share spending specifics, added: "I just would prefer if you wouldn't say that we're not going to discuss those details."

Hahahahahaha!

[Elizabeth] Warren, the congressional watchdog appointed by Democrats, said her oversight panel will try to force the banks to say where they've spent the money.

"It would take a lot of nerve not to give answers," she said.

But Warren said she's surprised she even has to ask.

"If the appropriate restrictions were put on the money to begin with, if the appropriate transparency was in place, then we wouldn't be in a position where you're trying to call every recipient and get the basic information that should already be in public documents," she said.

It sure would take a lot of nerve not to give answers! But score one for Warren: at least she recognizes that had appropriate restrictions been put on the money to begin with, we might know WTF is going on with the biggest handout the United States government has ever made.

But as it stands... hey, we just don't!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

This is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever seen in my entire life.